There is an abundance of teaching within the Advanced Training Institute (ATI) and the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) about “high places”–about the danger of putting things in the place of God and our relationship with Him. But isn’t this exactly what has happened with our “standards” and “character”?
In a recent conversation with an x-ATI friend (who, by the way, is not a Christian), we came across this subject of high standards. He said something that struck me profoundly.
"One of the most unfortunate lies that is sold by ATI/IBLP is that non-Christians are completely impressed--even blown away and irresistibly drawn to faith--by Christians' higher standards. This is completely unfounded and generally untrue. Non-Christians don't care at all how well you keep the Sabbath, memorize Scripture, fast wholeheartedly, etc. Not at all. What people notice (Christian or not) is one's capacity to love. I am drawn to Christians who love with abandon and whose love is impossible to miss."
Strange that this is much more along the lines of what Scripture teaches us. Most people have heard the verses in 1 Cor. 13 that speak about the importance of love. Verse one says, “If I speak with the tongues of men and angels but have not LOVE I am as a resounding gong or clanging cymbal.”
If you have ever been to a Basic or Advanced Seminar, Knoxville conference, or involved with ATI/IBLP for more than a week, you have heard Mr. Gothard talk about “bright eyes” and “shining countenances” being a sign of a person’s right-standing with God. But John 13:35 says, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you LOVE one another.” (Emphasis added.)
Maybe in addition to the bright eyes talk, you’ve heard Mr. Gothard speak about the importance of being different–of having “higher standards” to set you apart from “the world.” You might have heard hypothetical encounters that went something like this: A Christian meets a non-Christian on the street. The non-Christian asks, “Something is different about you. What do you have that I don’t have? I want it!” This opens the door for the Christian to witness to him and explain the reasons for all the differences between the two of them.
I am sorry (yet not surprised) to tell you that this has never happened to me. I’ve been a Christian for 25 years. I was heavily involved in ATI and IBLP for 8+ years. For many years I believed the false teaching that holding up the “higher standard” would set me apart as a follower of Christ. That somehow, the depth of my character would draw people to the faith. Isn’t that, after all, the purpose of the “Character First!” program? (Hold on, did I just say “character first”? I’m pretty sure my Bible says more about “Jesus first” and seeking first the Kingdom of God.)
In writing this article, I keep remembering a situation that happened 14 years ago. I’m appalled to admit I did this, even now.
My family grew up with a few other home-schooling families in our town. But there was one family in particular that we were very close to. All of us kids were great friends… we all attended church together, did home school group activities together, even celebrated a few holidays together. We all called each other our best friends. Then I went to EXCEL. During my nine weeks there, I was convinced (some call it brain-washed) to believe that my peer group needed me to save them from themselves and the slippery slope of their “Christian walk”… by setting a higher standard. Especially my best friend who was beginning to dress “like the world” and listen to “worldly” (ie. Christian Contemporary) music. This meant confronting them about the many areas in which they were failing, and present the higher standard of what Christians should be like. If, at that point, they refuse to see the light and change their wicked ways, it is my obligation to cut off fellowship with them. For their own good, as well as my own. To protect myself from corruption. Eventually, they will see that I was right, repent, and fellowship can be restored. I am heartbroken to tell you that I bought into this, and followed through! Within a week of returning home from EXCEL, I pulled my friend aside and laid it all out there. I gave the whole speech that I had prepared about Christians being “set apart” and “different” from the world. I repeated the line I had heard so many times in ATI: “How will the world know you are a Christian if you look just like they do?”
Somewhere along the way, I had completely forgotten about John 13:35. It does NOT say, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples; if you don’t dress like they do.” Neither does it say “…if you refuse to participate in certain holidays” or “if you are careful to only listen to music without a rock beat.” It’s much simpler than that. Much more pure. John 13:35 says, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples; if you love one another.”
I wish I could tell you that the story of my friendship with this family ended well. I wish I could say that when my friend replied, “We ARE different because we have Jesus! And hope! And grace!” that I realized the truth behind those words and climbed down off my self-righteous pedestal. Sadly, that is not what happened. Instead, I held my holier-than-thou ground. Our families collided and words like “spiritual pride” and “graceless” cut deep. Talk about a break in fellowship… this one has yet to be restored. All because of a “higher standard.” Of course I have gone back to that friend and begged forgiveness for my graceless and loveless approach. But some wounds are simply too deep to be patched up with a band-aid.
I work on the foreign mission field now. I am sorry to say that things don’t look much better out here in the love department. Denominations war against each other, refusing to work together, and denying each other the fellowship we so badly need from one another. The most heart-breaking thing to me in this situation is how very visible this is to “the world” and unbelievers around us. They do not see Christians rallying together, supporting each other, loving each other, or even working together. They see denominations. Each one believing that they have the only true answers. Everyone else is not worthy of their friendship. Each group has their own version of “holy living” and law-keeping. Which just makes Rom 13:8, Gal 5:14, and John 15:17 that much more pertinent. They all speak of LOVE as the greatest command and fulfillment of the law.
Judging our fellow believer based on outward appearance should NOT be our focus. But if there is one trait that you should be known by, according to Jesus, it is love.
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Julie was active in ATI for over 8 yrs. She served almost 2 years at Headquarters, as well as additional time at the Dallas, Flint, and Moscow Training Centers. Julie, her husband, and their 3 little girls now live in Chiapas, Mexico where they are serving as missionaries.
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[...] EXCERPTED FROM Kingdom Of God Worship source https://www.recoveringgrace.org/2011/10/they-will-know-you-are-christians-by-your-standards-2/ [...]
I have experienced this in my own life, I have tried to "hold a high standard" in my teen years and it has always led to driving a wedge, love and honesty usually leads to a more open relationship. I really think you see this in the way Jesus interacted with people- it never had something to do with standards. I remember a Pastor telling me if you teach character they will be drawn to Christ- but I never saw anyone make this leap. I don't see the connection.
I never saw "higher standards" draw people to Jesus either. Rather the opposite; it seemed to divide the Christians into various factions fighting each other.
Thanks so much for writing this!
Thanks for taking the time to write and share this. I think you are right on with all of this. The most Character and Standards ever did for me was alienate the people that I was attempting to witness to. When they saw my "uniform" and standards they were pushed away not attracted. Let's face it, "the world" doesn't need to be cured and sterilized, they need the love of Jesus, they want peace... not more rules to obey.
In "No Perfect People Allowed", pastor John Burke says that people are not impressed by our logic and reasoning at first. Instead they ask themselves, "Do I want to be like you?" If people feel looked down on by us it pushes them away rather than drawing them to us.
Excellent article. My co-worker and I were talking about this sort of thing the other day and the premise of maintaining our "testimony". That usually meant acting so holy others would actually be repelled thinking, "I've blown it too badly, I could never be that together.
How different it would be if we (in the words of Matthew West) weren't afraid to show our beautiful scars, and let others see how badly we've blown it and yet how God has redeemed all of that? We love because He first loved!
I wonder how different my past would have been had I spent my energy loving people like Jesus loved me instead of trying to look like I had it all together.
Overall, this article makes a great point. We as Christians focus all too easily on what we DO... and what our fellow-believers do not DO... instead of focusing on the Lord and what He has done. Having said that, the article is a bit "experiential" and could be supported better with exegesis. I believe an article like this should at least acknowledge and deal with a passage or two that indicate the need to be different from the world - not as a measure of our "goodness", but simply because we recognize our calling to be like Christ. As we pursue being like Him, we will by definition find ourselves to be different from this godless world. That difference will be a natural spiritual *result*, not our primary spiritual *aim* - but it is an important difference nonetheless. (II Cor 6:14-18, Titus 2:11-14, I Peter 2:9-12, Romans 12:1-3)
But the article DOES call us to be different from the world in the most important way of all - by LOVING. Certainly we are not to lie, steal, cheat, gossip, etc., but all those are summed up in love - loving God and loving each other.
Matthew, this article is under the category of "Perspectives", and is written as such. If you're looking for something more "exegetical", check out the section entitled, "Twisted Scriptures". And what Mercy said ;)
Julie, I appreciate your writing this and reminding us of how very important it is that we show the love of Christ to one another. Of course we can't throw out all standards and I don't believe that was the intent of your article, but self-imposed standards can be so damaging and as you say actually do more destruction than good. Any standards that we have should be Christ led but even so we must demonstrate the love of Christ to everyone.
Julie, thanks for posting your article... I know I can relate, and unfortunately have similar stories of broken friendships because of "standards". Thanks for the challenge and the reminder that our first calling as followers of Christ is to love God and love people. If only we didn't complicate it!
Your comment about Character First made me say, "YES!!!" That was actually the thing that kept nagging my conscience, and got me to break from ATI. Since the break, I've seen hundreds of warning signs I ignored while involved with them, but the Character Training always bothered me. So many kids thought they were missionaries when they taught character in foreign fields, but the Gospel and Jesus were NEVER MENTIONED. That was so deeply disturbing to me! Thank God that bothered others as well!
Thank you so much for this article! I can relate in so many areas, being on the receiving end of "I won't even let you be my "virtual" friend because you are doing...and aren't doing... and if I'm seen being your friend, you will give me a bad testimony." The attitude towards Christians doesn't always fall under the term "persecution" as much as they (unsaved) can see the garbage we put each other through and wonder, "Now why in the world would I EVER want that? If THAT'S what following Christ looks like, I'm better off the way I am than joining with you."
Yes!!! Is our identity in Christ so fragile (and our Redeemer so helpless) that we have to keep anything remotely "damaging" far away?? Christ did NOT operate this way. I have had non-believers say to me "why would I want to be a Christian?? They eat eachother alive! At least my pagan friends and I love eachother." Ouch.
So well put! I myself am in a situation of debate over something right now and the Spirit reminded me of Jesus' words when He was tempted.. "It is written..." "It is written..." That is what you are saying... it is not about our standards, and our dress codes, our man-made rules, our countenance but, what does the word say? It says "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." His love in you attracts others to Himself. I have heard it said "The world likes Jesus, but not the church" It is because Jesus IS love. Thanks for a thought-provoking, truth-revealing article!
Your comment was thought-provoking too! It's embarrassing for so long that I thought the standards by which I was living were from the Bible, when they were extra-Biblical and often caused me to be proud. Once I went back to Scripture, I starting realizing what it REALLY said and realized that the focus of my life was wrong in looking at my good behavior instead of to Christ.
Love this song by Derek Webb:
they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
at anyone whose sin looks worse than ours
who cannot hide the scars of this curse that we all bare
they’ll know us by our picket lines and signs
they’ll know us by the pride we hide behind
like anyone on earth is living right
and isn’t that why Jesus died
not to make us think we’re right
chorus
when love, love, love
is what we should be known for
love, love, love
it’s the how and it’s the why
we live and breathe and we die
they’ll know us by reasons we divide
and how we can’t seem to unify
because we’ve gotta sing songs a certain style
or we’ll walk right down that aisle
and just leave ‘em all behind
they’ll know us by the billboards that we make
just turning God’s words to cheap clichés
says “what part of murder don’t you understand?”
but we hate our fellow man
and point a finger at his grave
chorus
they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
telling ‘em their sins are worse than ours
thinking we can hide our scars
beneath these t-shirts that we wear
I just looked it up. Thanks!!! Might be my new favorite...
Go, Julie!!! :) I'm so glad you wrote on this subject. I've thought this same thing for YEARS, but it's only since I've gotten to know non-Christians that I realize they really don't give a hoot about our "different-ness" - changes in our lifestyles that have nothing to do with the heart-matters of LOVE, which is what the world REALLY wants.
If only today's Christians would actually take the time to understand how a non-Christian sees them... Ooh! I just had a great idea! Someone should start a survey, polling non-Christians only, asking questions regarding their views on Christians and Christianity today. THAT would be an eye-opener and VERY helpful in getting this point across!
You are absolutely right. All they really care about is how we treat them.
The very best article on ATI's standards ever written. If those "high standards" are bringing people to Christ, then why do I feel so "put down" when I am around those who are still living that lie? No matter how many years have passed since our family began our journey to grace (it has been 17 years since we left ATI!!!), I continually feel strangled when I am in the presence of any friends who are still enslaved to BG.
Wow. Such a compliment. Thank you! And I *absolutely* agree... if it's so uplifting and Christ-like, why is it so suffocating? Jesus Himself NEVER makes me feel that way.
Jesus said, "My yoke is easy; my burden is light." It was the PHARISEES that He accused of putting heavy burdens on people!
Great article! I too have often heard it preached that people would see our strict behavior and ask us about it, but no one ever did! It's gotta be LOVE.
Ya know, people never stopped me in the grocery store asking if I was a Christian. But I got stopped more than once by people asking if I was ATI. That's a bit telling if you ask me. Good article, Julie.
I wish I could say, as a coworker of yours at IBLP Headquarters, that my life story was substantively different. I wish I could say that although my family was guilty of this very sort of offensive behavior it was never me. I wish I could say that during the year and a half I worked in training centers I was only a beacon of true love and not standards... And yes, I wish that, as a fellow laborer in 'full time' mission type work that I could say that 'finally, here, it is all different, and we love each other first...'.
But, I have to acknowledge, you nailed it, on every point. And while ATI/IBLP build a great pseudobiblical case for why they did it, the same issue is alive and well in most of organized Christianity as I've experienced it.
Thanks, Julie, for telling it like it is, And thanks for pointing us once again back to the one thing we are told 'never fails'-- LOVE.
Julie, I am so proud of you for writing this and for the loving wife and mother and friend that you are today. He is our rescuer and I'm thankful that He rescued me from exactly what you are talking about here. It nearly derailed me in my own walk.....suffocation is a perfect word for how I felt. I'd lost the joy of even being with God. And became fearful of those around me and what they thought and wondering if I was meeting up to everyone's standards. Freedom in Christ was the polar opposite of what I felt. And spiritual pride became my own downfall. Thank you, Julie, for speaking the truth. This time in love. :)
Thank you for taking the time to write this article. I have never heard of ATI, but it sounds identical to the fundamental Baptist organization I belonged to for 25 years. Leaving such an organization was the most difficult thing I have ever done. It never feels good to be shunned by the people we once worked with and considered our best friends. However, to finally see the truth about God’s love makes the journey worthwhile. I feel such freedom in Christ! It is helpful to see articles written by people such as you. Thank you!
I get in line with everyone else and say well written! Yes...this so needed to be said! Thank you for speaking what my heart has been feeling.
Re: not just a problem w/Gothard and/or only on the US...
"They do not see Christians rallying together, supporting each other, loving each other, or even working together. They see denominations. Each one believing that they have the only true answers. Everyone else is not worthy of their friendship. Each group has their own version of “holy living” and law-keeping."
Not only true in Mexico, but also in Russia and Ukraine... and doubtless this is the case elsewhere. It makes me sick, and we can only pray that God might use His children,at least a few here and there to truly show His love and grace, despite the un-Christlike-ness of their churches.
Sorry to hear the story about your friend. One thing I've been realizing is that we as humans are limited by time. GOD isn't, but WE are, and a lot of times wounds need time to heal. I've been on the giving and receiving end of pain--it can be both with the same person! I have seen God bring sweet reconciliation; I've also seen pain still be there, even in the midst of forgiveness. But this friend may forgive you yet, a hope I am holding onto with a new (relatively) situation with a brother and sister in law who do not like me. We can only do what we can do--seek forgiveness. God will do His work in His time, and I hope that you get to experience reconciliation soon.
Julie Terrell, whoever you are, I love you!
Sorry for such a late post, but I just discovered this website.
This beautiful article hits the nail on the head. Love, love, love. I really liked the part about how bogus it was to say that people in the world are drawn to those with higher standards, instead of those who love them.
A few years ago I went to a very IBLP-oriented church northwest of Atlanta for a couple of years, and never really felt loved, though I was friendly to everyone and was pretty active. I also went to many basic and advanced seminars and would help with setting up, doing merchandise, etc.. But I didn't sense that I was loved. I was a grown, single man and not in ATI, and these people didn't want me in their lives. I saw plenty of bright eyes and cheerful countenances though!
That church used to have a slogan on their website that said, "We are a church family seeking families." After going there for a couple of years it was obvious to me that they really meant that. I was a single man with no family, and they didn't want me around.
That's not to say that I didn't learn some really good things from that church and the people at IBLP, which I did. But loving people was not one of them. I'm trying to learn it now.
Check out http://jezebel.com/5939635/the-duggars-are-an-evil-cult
Lol. The kids have no access to anything outside their little world. No facebook, tv, only approved books, and higher education only through the online collegeplus. Sad.
Complete and total seperation from the world is not the answer. Jesus was always seen with sinners. How many non-Christians do you hang out with? Food for thought.
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This comment may never be read, but I had to write it anyway. Many years ago I served a short term (summer) mission in Utah ministering, supposedly, to Mormons. I was assigned to work with a very legalistic pastor/missionary whose method to reach the Mormons was to compete with them -- set an "even higher" standard in daily living than they did. Even in those days I knew this was totally backwards. What the Mormons longed for was freedom, love, and acceptance from God. Needless to say, the pastor had practically no effect on the community, and no Mormons were being saved.
That's a fascinating comment, Vanessa. I'm glad you knew instinctively that it was misguided.
I have noticed this with many of the IBLP folks. It is almost as though many of them try to dress as frumpy and ridiculous as possible so as to show their "non-worldliness". Personally, I believe what is does is just turn non-believers off who look at these people as though they are from another planet instead of people who are relateable and approachable. I cannot tell you how many piously dressed folks always look so unapproachable and bitter. Definitely as believers we are called to dressed modestly, but modest does not mean that you have to look Amish!
Yes, and how many people become Amish do to their isolated life style? Modesty is a fluctuating standard, what is considered modest in one culture or time period, isn't in another. Likewise, situations dictate what is modest as well. What one would wear to the beach is inappropriate to wear at church yet the person wearing a swim suite to the beach is not necessarily an immodest person, they are dressing according to the situation. What one would wear to a state dinner in the White House would be different from what one would wear to the local McDonalds. It seems like Bill had such a misguided idea about what draws people to the Christian faith which is external "standards", which to him were 1950's styles and ideas. Yet love, kindness, compassion are left out and those are the things that draw people to Jesus.