This is where the healing begins
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark, the light meets the dark
Sparks will fly as grace collides
with the dark inside of us
So please don’t fight this coming light
~Tenth Avenue North “Healing Begins”
I love this song and have found these lyrics to be so true in my own life. When I have allowed Jesus to flood my soul with the light of his grace and truth, I have begun to find healing. One way this has happened has been by letting Jesus show me the difference between His truth and the twisted Scripture and impossible standards of the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP). The following is a comparison between what IBLP taught me (implicitly and/or explicitly) and what Jesus has shown me is actually true.
~~~~~~~~~
IBLP told me I was never enough. I did not serve enough, read my Bible enough, or pray enough. I was never good enough and would never measure up.
Jesus said to me: “Because of My grace, you are more than enough. I never impose shame or guilt on you or tell you that you are not good enough. Those feelings and lies are from the devil. Grace means that even if you do not read your Bible, pray, and serve as much as others think you should, you are fully loved and accepted by Me. Grace means that in Me, ‘you will find rest for your soul for My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.’ “(Matthew 11:29-30)
IBLP told me my sole purpose in life as a female is to get married, have children, and be a stay-at-home wife and mom.
Jesus said to me: “I have given you unique gifts and strengths that go far beyond marriage and children. Come follow my heart for you and you will see that I delight in watching you find out that my purpose for women is so much bigger than what you grew up being taught. It makes me excited to see you stepping outside of the narrow mindset you grew up with and embracing the broader perspective I intend for you to have regarding your role as a Christian woman.
IBLP told me that as a female, I was always to be under male authority. This meant I was to live at home under my father’s authority until I got married and was under my husband’s authority. Being on my own was wrong and rebellious.
Jesus said to me: “Your value and worth as an individual is separate from the men in your life. You are NOT a helpless, weak, incapable female who cannot make a right choice on your own. I want you to know I am not limited to leading you through others.”
IBLP told me that doing anything my parents did not fully support and agree with was stepping outside of God’s blessing. IBLP told me I couldn’t trust myself and my feelings because I could only hear from God through my parents.
Jesus said to me: “You are responsible to me alone for the choices you make and the path you choose to walk down. Pursue my heart for you above all else and make decisions based on what I want for you, not what others tell you is right or wrong. You do not need to question everything you think and feel. I created you with the capacity to think for yourself. Because I value you so highly, I will speak to you individually, not just through your parents.”
IBLP told me that God always uses my parents to protect, guide, and direct me. Even if they made mistakes, I was to accept that and trust that God would still bless me for choosing to submit myself to their authority. I had to be okay with everything my parents chose to do because they had my best interests at heart.
Jesus said to me: “It’s okay to hurt for all the pain you experienced from how you were raised. I give you the freedom to grieve the loss of your childhood and adolescence. Part of healing means recognizing that some of the things your parents said and did were wrong. Run to me when you are hurting and I will hold you in my arms.”
IBLP told me that getting a college education was unnecessary and possibly even wrong. After all, a degree was pointless when I was just going to be a wife and mom anyway. In addition, college often puts “worldly” and “unbiblical” ideas into student’s heads, drawing them away from God.
Jesus said to me: “Come follow me into the world of academia. If you do, you will find your life changed forever. You will discover I am so much more than you had ever known. And you will begin to find healing you didn’t know you needed—all through your college education.”
IBLP told me I could only be friends with “like-minded” individuals. Having friends who weren’t raised in the sheltered isolation I was raised in would likely result in me being pulled away from my family and becoming “rebellious” and “worldly.”
Jesus said to me: “I intended you to be in relationships. Being told that friends have to share all of your convictions and beliefs is so wrong. If you are willing to open up and be vulnerable, I will provide you with beautiful, rich, deep relationships with diverse people.”
IBLP told me my worth as a female was determined by what I did. If I could cook, sew, clean, keep house, take care of children, and passively submit to the males in my life, I was a good Christian.
Jesus said to me: “Your worth is found in me alone. You are infinitely valuable because of who you are, not because of what you do. I care about your heart, not whether or not you know how to cook and can keep a perfect house.”
IBLP told me that pushing back against the rigid standards I was raised with was being rebellious and sinful.
Jesus said to me: “When those around you tell you that you are being rebellious and are not honoring me, remember, I called you to walk this path. I was the one who called you out of the legalism and bondage they still live in. The truth is I was the one who gave you the freedom they disapprove of and I delight in seeing you exercise that freedom.”
IBLP told me I needed to cover my body up because it was my fault if a guy lusted over me.
Jesus said to me: “Your body is beautiful and perfect in its femininity. You do not need to worry about other people’s reaction to how you dress. When you seek my heart for what you wear, you are honoring me more than when you cover yourself up out of shame and fear.
IBLP told me my sexuality was something to be suppressed, ignored, and denied until I got married. Furthermore, even learning or reading about sex was wrong as it would decrease my innocence and purity and take away from my sexual relationship within marriage.
Jesus said to me: “Your sexuality is a beautiful and good part of who I made you to be. When you suppress it, you are suppressing a part of who I made you to be. If you let me, I will show you what healthy sexuality looks like as a single person.”
IBLP told me Contemporary Christian Music (or any music with a beat) was not true worship. It was wrong to sing songs that evoked an emotional response.
Jesus said to me: “I created your emotions and I love it when you allow yourself to worship me with them!”
IBLP told me it was important to do everything together as a family.
Jesus said to me: “Family is a valuable gift, but it is also important to have other relationships outside of your family. I created you to live in community broader than that of your family.”
IBLP told me negative emotions weren’t okay to experience, and I needed to suppress them to maintain my own and my family’s good outward appearance and reputation.
Jesus said to me: “I gave you all the emotions you have, including ones often viewed as negative (pain, betrayal, frustration, etc.). When you suppress your emotions, you are actually suppressing a part of who I made you to be. Learn to embrace all of your emotions and deal with them in a healthy way.”
I wish I could say that because Jesus has shown me these truths, I no longer believe the lies I learned from IBLP. But the reality is there are still many moments when I do believe these lies. Days when I struggle to remember the truth and forget to look to Jesus to be reminded of my identity. However, part of this journey to healing means giving myself grace and realizing that it is a process. I simply have to keep walking forward, one step at a time, clinging to Jesus.
After years of living in bondage to legalism, shame, and guilt, Victoria is so grateful for God’s incredible grace which has opened her eyes to the destructive teachings of Bill Gothard and other similar individuals. Her journey of healing from spiritual abuse has led her to understand the nearness of Jesus in a new way. She has now thrown aside
"standards" and is loving the joy that comes from walking in freedom.
This is the most powerful article I have read. It is also my very own story. Thank you for writing it. I am filled with emotion. May others come to know these truths and words of grace and be free from the bondage of lies.
Thank you for your kind words Jane.
Mine as well. I sat in awe reading this. I just did NOT know there were others. I've felt so alone for years, and I only discovered this website this week. It is scary trying to find the truths that are so embedded in the lies. You have helped me take another step forward on this journey of healing and LIVING and loving God. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing these words.
Thank you for writing this beautiful article. I could relate to every single point. I appreciate you sharing God's truth that combats the lies we were told. I would love to share this with my adult sisters who are still living at home under the authority of my Dad, but I'm not sure they are ready to receive it. I thank God for the freedom He has brought me and long for them to experience the same.
I know exactly what you're talking about. It's so hard to see friends and family members living in bondage and to know that as much as you want to share the truth with them, they're not at a place where they can receive it.
"important to do everything together as a family."
Grrrrrrrrr.
My family was never near any part of IBLP, but my father had this thinking.
And in >20 years I still can't understand it. At All.
"My yoke is easy, and My burden is light."
How true...I have experienced this...when I know that a directive was from God, I also found He gave the strength and faith to follow that directive.
I think this one begs more elaboration. I'd be interested to know what the author's opinion of healthy sexuality as a single person entails. Healthy discussion and information gathering, or more?
"IBLP told me my sexuality was something to be suppressed, ignored, and denied until I got married. Furthermore, even learning or reading about sex was wrong as it would decrease my innocence and purity and take away from my sexual relationship within marriage.
Jesus said to me: “Your sexuality is a beautiful and good part of who I made you to be. When you suppress it, you are suppressing a part of who I made you to be. If you let me, I will show you what healthy sexuality looks like as a single person.”
I believe that healthy sexuality as a single person involves awareness of one's own sexuality, knowledge, appropriate conversations, and a complete lack of fear, guilt, or shame. That being said, there are also things I don't think are okay. These include sex outside of marriage, lust, and looking at pornography. Does this answer your question Daniel?
Okay, that makes sense. Thank you for explaining!
I just keep coming back to this article. I think it may be the most helpful RG article I have read up to this point. Having the lies so specifically and clearly spelled out and the truth of God to combat it is such a wonderful resource. It is also a helpful list in explaining to others some of what I was taught and why I am having to re-learn so many things about God and true Christianity.
Thank you so much for your kind words Shelly. I am so glad that God has used this article in your life.
YES!!! That's it!! People that are unfamiliar with Bill's teachings honestly can't grasp WHY I've said or done things or how there could possibly be others with my former mindset, and I just printed this article to show them and help them understand.
Ah, yes. I still fight these lies too.
I would of liked script references. I trust what the Bible says.
Sorry, not script but scripture.
I am a parent who is struggling with the lies. So please,if you know some scripture references, that would be great.
This is beautiful. Thank you Victoria. This is probably the most helpful thing I have come across on RG. This past month has been emotionally draining for me as I have been reading the truths that RG is uncovering, and reliving some of my own experiences with ATI, IBLP, living at HQ, etc... This was just what my heart needed as I am still battling everyday to untangle all the lies that are still ingrained from the truths that I am learning.
To whomever wrote this article: What words you ascribe to Jesus are not His words but your own. This is presumption and blasphemy. There are so many errors in the things you attribute to Jesus' words that it doesn't bear analysis. You need to repent of this article and show a proper fear and reverence of God in the future by referring to His words accurately. You have no warrant to make it up as you go. That is the very thing Gothard has done to mislead so many people...he has put his own spin on the holy Word of God. Who is any man that he should attempt to improve upon the revealed, eternal Word of the living God? If the criticizers are making the same errors as the one they are criticizing, what good can come of it? Isn't it just more of the same? Christians have no right to play loose with the Scriptures. I see this on church signs all over the cities. "God says....." and then something clever is added that is not in Scripture. Putting words into God's mouth is a dangerous game. Be not deceived, God is not mocked. The only Truth we have is God's revealed Word in Holy Scripture. When we adulterate it we put men's souls in danger and our own as well. If we don't love and adhere to God's Word, how can we say we love Him? I think there is plenty of evidence on this site of what twisted scriptures can do to people. I hope the "leaders" on this site are careful about their doctrine, because much needs to be set aright. But only correction from scripture can do this. This kind of psychobabble is not helpful. Nothing is more healing than the true and exact words of scripture. They are life and health. They are light for our way. They are all we need. Jesus reveals Himself in them. He saves us and sanctifies us through them. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God....And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us..." ( John 1: 1,2 )
Notice that in every case she makes a claim only of what Jesus said to her. She makes no claim that this is what Jesus literally said in Scripture (except the one time she actually quotes Scripture). She is not claiming these are His words. This is nothing more than the author saying how she takes Jesus teachings. Whether you may or may not agree with her take on Scripture, I think you are misreading both what she actually claims and her intent.
I appreciate the fact that she is claiming Jesus said these things to her. But that is claiming ongoing revelation and His Word is complete and forever settled in Heaven. We cannot give an opinion or have an experience and attribute it to the Revelation of Jesus Christ. We can say we believe that scripture teaches this or that, but we cannot say that Jesus told us this or that. Those are different things and have extremely different implications. That is playing it loose and it is presumptuous. It shows we have no fear of God nor reverence for His Word. What we say and how we say it means something. Our words communicate our presuppositions. They communicate our thoughts and our hearts. The fact that we communicate in words is one way God stamped His image on us. We must be careful what words we use and then stand by them. Those out there who believe in ongoing revelation will not take offence at the article. Anyone can say Jesus told them anything. As for me, I do not believe in ongoing revelation. I believe the book by that name sealed and closed the New Testament and we have all the revelation we ever need or will ever have from Christ. So it depends on your presuppositions whether or not you will accept this kind of talk from a Christian without question. I understand she is trying to make some sense of the damage done to her by the false teachings of the Gothard movement. But more false teaching is not the solution. I was just trying to point that out. Only good teaching of true doctrine applied over a lifetime can untangle the twisted teaching of false prophets. We must turn to Christ and His holy word and not blind guides and counselors, who often just add to the confusion. Our eyes must not be on ourselves or on those who have hurt us, but on Him who saves and sanctifies. We must "put on the mind of Christ" if we are to heal.
Where does she claim ongoing revelation?
Sarah......She claims ongoing revelation when she says "Jesus said to me..." The prophets spoke for God. That was their office. They were representatives of God to His covenant people. He spoke through them, giving them revelation of Himself...His plan of redemption and his judgements. They began "Thus saith The Lord...." But these were the OT prophets of God. All the prophets spoke of Christ and pointed to His coming. Jesus told His disciples that they spoke of Him. I have heard many Christians say "God told me this or that", or "God has told me to tell you this or that". When anyone says "Jesus told me, or Jesus says" ...and follows it with anything except His enscripted Word he is lying....not intentionally...but it is still a lie. When we say Jesus said this or that "to me" it gives our own perceptions weight and authority. That causes people to listen to us and believe what we say. It is misleading. This is one way false teachers seduce their followers. Jesus is a real historical person. He taught His disciples in real language. By the power of the Holy Spirit His disciples testified to Jesus' words in writing. Jesus speaks to us now through His written word. The incarnate Word came into the world to save sinners. He revealed the Father to us and finished the redemptive work the Father sent Him to do. I would be afraid to speak for Him. He is my Creator and Redeemer. Who am I to put words into His Holy mouth? The prophets of the OT spoke under penalty of death if they spoke for God falsely out of their own motives. The test of an OT prophet was 100% accuracy. False prophets were to be stoned. That is the Law of God. If God attaches a death sentence to being a false prophet, we need to have a healthy fear of speaking for Him, even if we are "personalizing" it or don't really mean it. The Lord has spoken for Himself. He has left us a written record of His will for us. It is all we need for living and dying. We need to be listening to Him, not speaking for Him. The scripture forbids us to add to or take away from His words. False teaching is a very serious sin, because when you twist the scripture you torment men's souls and destroy their ability to discern the truth. This is why people who have been in sects and cults are often so damaged, because they cannot discern the truth. They have looked at scripture through someone else's grid. The grid attaches new meanings to the words and phrases of scripture. They are lost. They cannot find their way back. They can't unravel the symbolism. They feel guilty and can't find a remedy for it. I understand you assume that people are just expressing their opinions when they say Jesus told them something, but what I have tried to point out is that it is serious to say things this way or to take it so lightly. We bear the responsibility when we mislead people. We can say " I believe" this or that to be true, but not "Jesus told me". There is a huge difference. This girl who wrote the article has clearly been mislead and damaged by Gothard's false teaching. But I venture to say she has jumped from the frying pan into the fire. Jesus did not teach humanistic psychology. There is only one remedy for false teaching. The truth. Learning truth requires a good teaching pastor, good systematic theology, and plenty of personal time in the Word. The only way to protect ourselves against false teaching is to know the real thing. Men who have to find counterfeit money don't just go out and start looking. They make a long and careful study of real money. Once every detail of the dollar bill is committed to memory they are then ready to detect the counterfeit. The only way to climb out of counterfeit Christianity is to study God, to know Him, His Character, his Works, and all of His revelation regarding Himself and His plan of redemption. That is called theology. The Bible tells us the knowledge of God is the beginning of wisdom. Jesus said, "Take my yoke upon you and learn of Me..." So that is where she must start if she is to heal. Not by saying words she has heard from her counselors or read in books, saying that Jesus told her these things, but by renewing her mind with the Word of God rightly divided. There is no profit in looking at ourselves. We are sinners. We must look at Christ. He is righteous. He takes our sin and gives us His righteousness in exchange. That is the great mystery of redemption. The great exchange! It's the doctrine of imputation. That's just one of the many facets of our salvation. Doctrines like this are the jewels of scripture and well worth digging for. They give us comfort, assurance, and joy. The Bible says that God keeps us in perfect peace when our minds are stayed on Him. I am very glad I was able to study the scriptures over my brief 68 years. They have been the stabilizing force in my life. I have had plenty of opportunity to follow false teachers, including Bill Gothard, but God's word has always given me the discernment I needed to correct myself and keep on the narrow way. The Lord has kept my feet from slipping. I pray that those who have been in bondage to Gothard's chain of command will find liberty and peace through the knowledge of God and His Son Jesus Christ. We have so great a salvation! "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus...."
It seems you are taking the phrase "Jesus saId to me" much more literally than was meant. When I hear someone use that phrase, the default assumption is that it means simply "this is how I understand what Jesus taught". After all, the phrase "What does this passage/book/poem/piece of literature say to you?" is a relatively common idiom and not meant literally.
Victoria, As a parent (of Gwen) my heart longs for Jesus's return to make all things right, "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done." We all are so poor and needy! And that is what we need to be for our selfish hearts to turn to the Wonderful Savior who would actually come and dwell in us, in continual loving fellowship with Him, His power to be holy, and soundness of mind. This time here on Earth is short. It is our time to live out our love for Him. This may smack of 'do,do, do !" to some of you who have not yet found security of love in Christ. For you who are still recovering, I pray for you to continue to center your mind on Jesus, who He is , and what He is providing for you in His Word. Meditate on Psalm 103 and the book of John. Try not to think in terms of standards, but of your relationship to Him. Realize that because you were in bondage to standards, you are now vulnerable to throw out restraint....even what Jesus would want you to do. It will be worth it all, when we see Jesus!!
I would like to ask what you mean by this comment " If you let me, I will show you what healthy sexuality looks like as a single person.”
After lots of prayer and studying the Bible, I believe that healthy sexuality as a single person involves awareness of one's own sexuality, knowledge, appropriate conversations, and a complete lack of fear, guilt, or shame. That being said, there are also things I don't think are okay. These include sex outside of marriage, lust, and pornography. This is what I feel like Jesus has shown me about healthy sexuality as a single person. Does this make sense Esther?
rather than the term legalism, I like narcissism perfected...
My honest opinion is that most of you people just don't want to do the hard things that IBLP says is important to following God, and so are trying to bring down the main figure of IBLP.
wow.....you totally nailed it. What gave us away ??
@Unknown, you are certainly entitled to your opinion but I would encourage you to read deeply into this site and see if your opinion is indeed supported by facts.
I assure you that there are many here who have done the hard things, and sacrificed much for the sake of the Gospel.
Your statement that myself and others (we people) "don't want to do the hard things that IBLP says is important to following God" is very revealing, though...it seems to tacitly acknowledge the these 'things' are merely things that 'IBLP says'.
I don't believe that the things that IBLP SAYS is [sic] important to following God are in fact the things that are TRULY important to following God!
So in an unexpected way, you're exactly right. :-) I DON'T want to do what IBLP says. I want to do what the Bible says.
It is hard to believe, but apparently there are people who can take all of this in and come to this conclusion. Wow! How much reading have you done here on this site? How many accounts have you read of the 34 victims? The 34 women, and all the rest of us, just don't want to do the hard things that IBLP says are important to following God?
No, we should not want to do the hard things that IBLP says are important to following God. Like getting circumcised or abstaining with our spouses for 2 weeks every month, and 40 days after a boy and 80 days after a girl. Since scripture tells us, specifically, that we don't need do those things to follow or to please God, and in fact, warns us about people who tell us that we need to do them, I sure hope we don't want to do them, to think that we must to follow God.
Do you follow the IBLP standards because you believe that this is needed to follow God? Because IBLP tells you that you must do these things to follow God? May you one day discover the freedom that Christ gave you when he was nailed to the cross.
Gal 5:1-4
1It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.
2Behold I, Paul, say to you that if you receive circumcision, Christ will be of no benefit to you. 3And I testify again to every man who receives circumcision, that he is under obligation to keep the whole Law. 4You have been severed from Christ, you who are seeking to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace.
2 Cor 11:12-15
12But what I am doing I will continue to do, so that I may cut off opportunity from those who desire an opportunity to be regarded just as we are in the matter about which they are boasting. 13For such men are false apostles, deceitful workers, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. 14No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. 15Therefore it is not surprising if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness, whose end will be according to their deeds.
@ Unknown - you said, "My honest opinion is that most of you people just don't want to do the hard things that IBLP says is important to following God, and so are trying to bring down the main figure of IBLP."
FIRST! God calls us to follow what HIS WORD SAYS! Not the hard things IBLP says! That's why most of us are on this site in the first place!
SECOND! The "standards" you speak of were certainly NOT being followed by the one who wrote and spued them!
THIRD! I don't know about you, but if Mr. Gothard treated my daughter the way he treated the 34 girls who we know have given testimony, Mr. Gothard wouldn't be able to do it to another girl that is for sure!
In your world you must think that all his "good" should out weigh the bad! Well that is NOT my world!
@Unknown - Jesus spoke to this in Matthew 11:28-30:
"Come unto me, all ye labouring and burdened ones, and I will give you rest, take up my yoke upon you, and learn from me, because I am meek and humble in heart, and ye shall find rest to your souls, for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
We need to earnestly examine the "hard things that IBLP says is important to following God" and determine if they are truly of Christ's yoke.
If you have the time, please list some of these hard things of which you speak.
Thanks!
Unknown, please have the courtesy of not speaking for me at least. I can positively assure you, my distaste for IBLP has absolutely NOTHING to do with not wanting to do 'the hard things'. I consider myself to still be rather conservative in most areas of life, I have a serious issue with IBLP putting extra Biblical laws on man that do nothing but keep us from having a full, right relationship with God.
Every devout Christian I know struggles with obeying God and 'doing the hard things' from time to time, it's part of the Christian walk, whether you're 'legalistic' or 'freedom' oriented.
However, I think it's very interesting your choice of words here, 'the hard things that IBLP says is important to following God...' Did you just bypass the Bible as the final authority on following God, and give IBLP that authority instead? Is IBLP, or Gothard, THE final authority on what God wants, rather than the actual Word? My friend, this is a very dangerous place to be.
Bible? you mean the red-cover edition? (as opposed to the red-letter)
witty. very witty. I like it. :)
Unknown, which of us do you actually know well enough to make such a judgement of us? I'll wager, probably not many or even most of us. This is one of the most absurd lies Gothard circulates about us. Not the most absurd, but one of the most absurd. Don't be so naive as to believe it.
And exactly what are those, "hard things?" Certainly you must have a list.
I smell drive by poster... we'll see
another good one - from a browser.
True. I don't want to do the things Bill Gothard requires to be a good Christian. It turns our he's not as committed to it as he portrays either.
Nice post; the only 'hard thing' that I might share in common with Bill is scripture memorization/meditation. But even that should not come in a "do this or else" package. the rest of his circus, he can have it, scary clowns and all.