[Editor’s Note: The young woman referred to only as “she” and “her” in the following account is the author herself, “Meg,” but she has written it in the third person. The author was twenty-one years old during the events in this post. The following is a true story. Click here for Part One of Meg’s story, here for Part Two, here for Part Three, and here for Part Four.]
The Dentist
She lay back in the dentist’s chair and closed her eyes. Tight. Dentists had always scared her, and today she was having a wisdom tooth removed. It wasn’t infected, but occasionally it would move up and down. She told her boss, Bill Gothard, about it, and he had suggested that the dentist who occasionally came to Headquarters could take a look at it.
As she lay back in the chair and rested her head, she looked up at her boss, who was standing close behind her. He smiled down at her and squeezed her hand. She was nervous, and he knew it. Earlier, he had broken off a conversation with the head of a department to come with her to this appointment because she didn’t want to go alone.
One wisdom tooth wasn’t impacted, but the other one was. The dentist explained that he might have to shave some of her jawbone to get the impacted tooth out. Nerve damage was, technically, a possible risk.
Her eyes had widened in horror. She did not want to risk that for a tooth that wasn’t really giving her much trouble. She told her boss she didn’t want to have the second tooth out.
It was okay, Bill said, she didn’t have to if she didn’t want to.
“Can I have music playing? To block out the noise?”
Yes, he answered, anything she wanted.
So here she lay with loud hymnal trumpet music blasting into her ears. The dentist leaned over and began his work. She knew when the bad part came. When the drilling started, her boss, standing behind her, placed his hands on the earphones and pressed them hard against her head. She thought of his kindness in trying to block out the noise for her. His caring. His not wanting her to be fearful.
[Editor’s note: The dentist who anesthetized and performed a tooth extraction on “Meg” also provided medical care for ATI staff and students in Moscow and performed dental work on other staff and students at ATI/IBLP Headquarters in Oak Brook, Illinois. Some staff and volunteers were led to believe that the dentist was unlicensed at the time of treatment simply because his credentials had lapsed, but the truth was far different.
Rather, it is a matter of public record that the dentist’s license had been revoked in his home state years before. In 1986 he was summoned by his home state’s board of dentistry to answer complaints that he had “failed to conform to the minimal standards of acceptable and prevailing dental practice” in the treatment of seven dental and orthodontic patients between 1979 and 1985, six of whom were minors at the time of care. After a two-year investigation that included introduction of additional allegations and the examination of the patients in question by board-appointed dentists, the state dental board in 1988 revoked his license based upon treatment of eleven patients. The medical errors are described in detail in the public record, and at least three involve unnecessary and/or mis-executed tooth extractions, leading to new, sometimes long-term dental problems for the patients. None of the board’s official finding of fact concerns technicalities of education or licensing; the final revocation of license cites only “below-minimum-standards treatment of the eleven patients.”
The dentist’s performance of non-emergency procedures, in a back room of a warehouse and office facility, with no Illinois dental or medical license, with a revoked out-of-state dental license, constituted multiple criminal violations of the Illinois Dental Practice Act (225 ILCS 25/11).
EDITORIAL CORRECTION 1/31/14: It has come to our attention that there was more than one dentist working at HQ during this time. While one of them was the above mentioned dentist with the retracted license, it is possible that he was not the dentist to have performed this particular work on Meg. RG desires to stay above board in what we inform our readership, and we believe that retaining accuracy is of critical importance to our readers.]
The Photographer
She was leaning against the big picture windows one Saturday afternoon in his office. Bill was talking on the phone and the other staff members were busy working on the computers. It was a beautiful afternoon, with a golden light washing over the trees, lawn, lake and gardens. A soft breath of wind kept the heat out of the afternoon.
As she gazed out the window a movement far off to the right, near the little bridge, caught her eye. There were people gathered down there. It was a bridal party, a woman in her wedding dress with her groom, and a man bobbing around them, taking photos.
Bill asked what was going on, as he finished his call and came over to the window. They told him there was a wedding party having their photos taken down on the bridge.
“Oh.” He was frowning.
He strode out the door with a purposeful air and they watched from the window as he walked down towards the bridal group. He came back soon with the photographer, a tall, angular man, who looked to be in his early thirties, with thin, wispy brown hair. The photographer had two cameras slung over his shoulder along with a camera bag. The staffers jumped back from the window and tried to look industrious at the tables as their boss and the photographer came into the room.
He introduced them to the photographer, who apologized for his presumption. He’d thought the sweeping lawn was a public park, and looked so beautiful at this time of the year. The photographer had agreed that, as a kind of payment for using the grounds without permission, he would come back and take some photos of the staff.
So a few days later, they gathered on the front lawn, where the photographer cheerfully arranged them in a group with their boss. She stood in the back of the group of five. He was in the middle surrounded by them. Then the photographer took individual shots.
“You look very beautiful,” the photographer said to her as she sat on one of the seats. She was wearing a light, summery dress, with the pearls Bill had given the staff girls at Christmas. Her hair was tied back in a loose knot. He told her to turn her head slightly, as though to look over her shoulder. He shook hands with her after he had snapped a few shots, and said he had enjoyed photographing her. “It must be an amazing job you have here,” he observed.
“Yes,” she said, “It is. I love it.” She blushed a little, but she knew he was only making light conversation and flattering her.
Her boss had been watching them and now walked up, shook the photographer’s hand, and sent him on his way. He then frowned at her and asked what the photographer had said.
“Oh, nothing much, really,” she answered.
“Well, I didn’t like the way he was looking at you. He was flirting with you.”
She laughed again and said she knew, but it was harmless.
A few days later the photos arrived and the group gathered around Bill’s desk, peering over his shoulder, enjoying the fun of looking at them. She liked her photo. She thought it looked pretty. Young. Fresh. Feminine. Her eyes were soft and bright. She held her hand out for it. He had given the others their photos to take away, and she wanted to take hers. She thought she might send it to her grandmother. He looked up at her, the photo in his hand.
“I’ll let you have it soon. I’m going to hang on to it for now. Okay?”
Sure, it was no problem, she said, but she was a little disappointed. She didn’t even think about why he wanted to hang on to it for now. But she never saw that photo again.
Frightened
When she finally closed the front door behind her, she leaned against it and sighed with relief. It had been a long, long day. The clock on the wall in the dim living room showed the time at 11:55, nearly midnight! And she had been up at 5 o’clock that morning. He was planning a trip overseas and there was always more work leading up to that. This time, she and a few others would be accompanying him on the trip to Taiwan, Singapore, and Indonesia. They would be leaving in a couple of days, and there was so much yet to do.
She kicked off her shoes. It felt so good to get them off! The house was dark apart from the small lamp in the living room. She tiptoed up the stairs to her room, not wanting to wake anyone. Flicking on the light in her bedroom, she threw her bag on the bed and started to get ready for bed. She was pulling out her hair clips when the phone on her bedside dresser rang. Wondering who would be calling her a this time of night, she picked it up.
“Hello,” she said, almost whispering.
There was silence on the other end.
“Hello,” she repeated, a little louder.
There was still no reply on the other end. She was about to hang it up, when faintly, in the background, she heard a soft breathing, getting louder and louder.
“Hello? Who is this?” she demanded.
The breathing got heavier. Long, drawn-out, husky breathing. Breathe in. Breathe out.
“Who is this? I know you’re there. Tell me who this is!”
The voice said “Hello.” She didn’t recognize it. It was a young man’s voice.
The breathing began again. It continued in its methodical, ominous breathy rhythm.
She slammed the phone down on the receiver, but in her haste she missed. She picked the receiver up again and slammed it down into the cradle. Slam, slam, slam — she was determined to cut that caller off. She was shaking. The call had unnerved her, this late at night in this lonely house. The nearest house was a good few minutes’ sprint away, and her boss had already left the nearby office and would be home by now.
She looked over at her window, where the blind was drawn up. The black night was all that she could see, and she was suddenly aware that if anyone was out there, they would be able to see her. She hurried over and pulled the blind down. She was breathing rapidly and her heart was racing as she went back to the bed. The phone rang again and she jumped. She reached out and picked it up, but this time didn’t say anything, just listened.
The same breathing was on the line, heavy, rhythmic, ominous.
Bang. Bang. Bang. She slammed it down again.
What could she do? She was beginning to feel frightened. She fumbled through her bag for her address book, and found the boss’s home phone number. She would call him and tell him, and he would calm her down. She picked up the phone and put it to her ear, ready to dial the number.
But the breathing was still there. The mystery caller was still on the line, and still breathing heavily down into the phone.
Somehow her slamming it down had not cut them off! She put her finger on the little black button of the old fashioned telephone and held it down until she was sure that the caller would be cut off.
Then she phoned Bill at home.
“Hello?” his voice said, in some surprise.
Her voice trembled as she told him what had happened.
He told her that it would be okay, that they would get a caller ID put on her phone in the morning. He said that she would be all right for tonight, and if the caller rang back, “just tell them that all whoremongers will burn in hell.”
She laughed at this, and it helped to ease her tension. But she didn’t really sleep very well that night.
The Difference a Few Years Can Make
When she stepped out of the taxi in downtown Jakarta, the first thing that she noticed was the warm air that enveloped her. After the cool air-conditioning in the car as they rode from the airport, it washed over her like a heatwave. And then sounds, the smells.
She had been in Indonesia before. Two years ago she had come here with a missions organization for a few months. But she could not soon forget the smells of Asia, nor the sounds. Her senses alone brought so many memories back to her mind.
But how different this experience was from her last visit to Asia. Now she was staying in the best hotel in the city, would eat in the finest restaurants, and would travel in the comfort of air-conditioned vehicles. At the end of a busy day she would know that she had luxury and a nice bed to greet her. The last time she was in this part of the world she had lost too much weight because of the constant heat and the lack of good food. She was on rations with the rest of the village people, who were poor and had to be careful with their provisions. She had slept on a hard wooden floor in the back of a makeshift hut, where the window had no glass and where rats ran over her in the middle of the night. Malaria was a constant and very present danger and a mosquito net was a luxury. She thought of this as she stepped out of the car, her patent leather pumps tapping the concrete delicately as she waited for her luggage to follow her inside the air-conditioned, glitzy hotel, where a valet awaited her instructions.
Bill asked her to join him for lunch. He had to meet all these dignitaries, he said.
She said she was ready now and just needed to get her purse. She snatched it up from the sideboard and met him out by the elevator.
As the elevator doors slid shut behind them, he reached over and took her hand. He just stood there, waiting to reach their floor, holding her hand. The doors slid open and he let go suddenly, her hand dropping to her side. She followed him out.
A Preferable Companion
As the lights of Jakarta faded into the distance, she pulled her face away from the window of her airplane seat and leaned comfortably back as the aircraft made its climb into the night sky. It was going to be a long flight back to Chicago, with a stop in Honolulu for a night.
He had a hotel booked there, about a 20-minute drive out of Honolulu. It was on the coast, and she was looking forward to it. She missed the ocean.
In Chicago there was no sea, only the lakes. And lake water is not the same as sea water. Lake water is not alive like the sea. It doesn’t ebb and flow and whisper and breathe and roar. When you’ve been born beside it, the sea somehow gets into your blood. After that, no matter where on earth life takes you, you can never get away from the pull that the sea claims on your soul. Mountains are magnificent in their grandeur, and lakes calming with their tranquil and deep waters, but the sea is powerful. It is alive. She thought of a room overlooking the beautiful beach of Turtle Bay, where she could hear the waves and feel the breath and scent of sea air on her face.
She was on her own back here in the rear of the plane, but she didn’t mind. She would enjoy the quiet and get some sleep. He was up in the front somewhere. She settled back and closed her eyes. Maybe she had been asleep for an hour, maybe it was more than that, when a hand shaking her shoulder gently brought her back to consciousness. She looked up to see one of her male colleagues standing beside her, looking apologetic.
Mr. Gothard had asked if she would like to go up and join him.
She made her way down the aisle of the darkened cabin to the seats up front. She saw Bill there and slipped into the seat beside him.
“Hi,” she smiled at him.
He said she was glad she’d decided to come.
“Did you want to work on something, Sir?” she asked, getting ready to pull her notebook out.
He shook his head. “No. I just prefer your company.” She knew he was talking about his assistant, a kind, quiet guy who sometimes got only three hours of sleep just to get something finished for him. She let the notebook fall back inside her bag and she settled down into the seat.
He asked if she could ring the hostess to get a blanket, indicating the button on the seat between them. She pressed it and an immaculate air hostess came and smiled warmly as she filled the request, handing her the blanket. He took it from her immediately and spread it out over himself.
He asked if she wanted a blanket.
She replied that she didn’t think she would need one.
“Here, why don’t you share some of this with me.” He pulled the blanket over and draped half of it over her lap.
She thanked him and said that he didn’t need to share it, that she was warm enough.
“I don’t want you getting cold.”
He leaned his head back on the seat with the small pillow the hostess had also provided. That’s when she felt his hand under the blanket reaching for hers. She let their hands lay on the armrest between them, but he reached over with his other arm and pushed the armrest up, letting his hand fall onto her thigh. He squeezed her hand, massaged her fingers for a short while, then he slowly drifted off to sleep, the blanket covering the two of them. She dozed off too, glad to close her eyes.
Fey
When she woke, she was aware that as they had slept their heads had fallen closer to each other. His was now almost resting against hers. She could watch the rise and fall of his chest as he slept. She could see his face up close. He was frowning slightly. She felt pity for him in his fast-approaching old age. So loved by so many, and yet so alone.
He reached out for her in so many ways, not least of which was the physical touching and connecting with her, but it was in secret. If he was found out, his reputation could be in ruins, his ministry possibly shattered. So he sought her always in the dark, always behind closed doors, or after others had fallen asleep—or under an airline blanket.
She thought of all those women who had written to him, all the letters gathering dust in his file of received marriage proposals. And yet he had chosen a different path, alone and lonely.
She felt happy here, with him. She had cut her ties to the boy back home. He had helped her do that. If she left here, she didn’t know what she had to go back to. Her life was here now. She depended on him as much as he depended on her. She wanted to stay with him.
She was thinking about this as she looked up and saw the hostess coming down the aisle. She was handing out cards. She put two into her hand.
“What is this?” she whispered.
The hostess said it was an immigration form for each of them to fill out for when they landed in Hawaii.
She asked how far away that was, and the hostess replied that it was about three hours away.
Her hand was still raised from when she had taken the cards. She looked at them now, and as she did an unexplainable slow dread began to spread in her mind. She had the feeling that this was out of her hands, that it had been sealed, that she had no control over it, that the quick march of doom was snapping at her heels.
“What is it?” he asked suddenly, sitting up as he woke from his sleep.
She frowned and shook her head. She said it was nothing, that the air hostess was just handing out the immigration forms. They would be landing soon, and she guessed they were going to serve breakfast in a minute.
He took the card from her. He said that there was something wrong, that he could tell she was worried. What was it?
She turned and smiled at him, and asked how he could tell.
He shrugged and said they knew each other pretty well by now, didn’t they?
She said she was worried about immigration, and didn’t even know why. Everything should be okay, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something wrong, that she’d missed something.
He said it would be all right, not to worry about it, to think instead about how much work they going to get done in Hawaii.
She laughed, but it was a short, uneasy laugh.
[Click here to read Part One, here to read Part Two; here to read Part Three, here to read Part Four, and here to read Part Six.]
See how the experiences Ruth, Annette, Charlotte, Rachel, Meg, Lizzie, and Grace had with Bill Gothard fit together chronologically here, and behaviorally here.
Meg’s family was in ATI for more than ten years. After leaving Bill Gothard's office, Meg continued to work for IBLP for several years before she met and married her wonderful, non-ATI, Mr. Right. She is now busy raising their family and enjoying a happy and ATI-standard-free life.
[…] […]
Thank you, Meg! You know, the dentist you are talking about, thank you for mentioning about him working in MTC!!, I was in midschool and he filled the cavity that I had right there in MTC))
I had it filled for 10 or more years, and few month ago, this tooth gave me so much trouble, and our local dentist asked who in the world worked my tooth, I said with pride, oh one american doctor he put such a good filling that I had it forever now)) Local doctor was very upset and I could not understand why!
Anyway, at my young age I had this tooth removed few month ago, and I was remembering that american dentist not with good words, thinking how could they let unprofessional even get close to us kids!!!Thank you so much for giving more info about him!
The part about your plane ride... just have no words, thank you for telling us it all!!
Wow. The whole thing with the photo, that's just creepy. The fact that he never returned it to you, is beyond.... completely unethical, and very likely immoral.
For my friends who are currently involved with ATI/IBLP or were in the past, I want you to know that based on my own personal experiences and the first-hand, similar experiences of personal friends of mine, I believe this account to be highly credible. For those concerned about protecting the Lord's reputation or who believe this is an unjust attack on a Godly man, I remind you that God is fully capable of protecting His own reputation and to look past concern for Bill and focus instead on the importance of standing up on behalf of the young ladies who are bravely speaking out. That is what I am doing here. I welcome your thoughts and comments. My sincerest desire is that speaking out now will ultimately lead to Bill's repentance and some form of reconciliation/restoration. (Shared on my facebook page this morning)
"(Shared on my facebook page this morning)"
Good for you Adam. Linking these articles on Facebook is a great idea. We need to get the word out. I'm sure that there are hundreds of ATI families who are friends on Facebook with posters here. They need to know about this. They need to be warned to keep their daughters away from Bill. All we can do is let them know- they may or may not take action, but the least we can do is to inform them and pray that God will open their eyes.
How many of you with daughters about 21 years old would be happy if a 59 year old man -- who was your daughter's boss -- acted this way towards your daughter? Touching her, holding her hand, etc? I will refrain from telling you what I would do to anyone who did this to my daughter. What if it was Bill himself that did this towards your daughter? Would be be ok? Alfred? How about you? If you asked an unbeliever about such conduct they would easily identify it as grooming and sexual harassment. But if it is Bill Gothard, well he is just being loving. People need to realize that even in our lost world there are people who come under the power of others. But add to that the idea that Bill is God's man -- and you have a greater control, especially over the young whom have already been indoctrinated with his horrible authority teaching. Bill Gothard would be a legalistic heretic if none of this conduct was as shared in these accounts -- based simply on his false gospel. But now we are seeing a man who claims to have the mind of Christ to the extent that he has built an institute and kingdom around himself -- we are seeing that he cannot even keep his hands off of girls a third his age.
Exactly, David, these were my thoughts as well. Try to put your daughter/granddaughter in Meg's place, what would be your response? I already shared earlier what I would do as a mother to Bill. The thing is it didn't happen to my daughter or your daughter. It still doesn't hit home for many of us. But I'm begging everyone, especially those who still defend Bill after reading Meg's story, put your self in her shoes or her parents shoes. Please, have a heart of compassion and understanding. Meg was not a trouble maker, she was genuinely a victim of his grooming.
Seems it would be helpful to have the name of the dentist for reader's reference. Not published to protect the privacy of "Meg?"
I would add that if today Bill Gothard resigned -- even if everyone at his organization wanted him to resign -- that most of them would simply carry on with his teachings. In time, there would be other, "Gothards," in charge.
The catholic church is an excellent example of this kind of perversion. They change the head often enough, but the abuses continue.
I highly doubt it would last David.
Thank you for writing out your experience here. I am sure it has been very emotional for you to relive all of these horrendous moments. While I never experienced ANYTHING close to what you did, my family was in ATI for many years and we were steeped in the hypocritical and abusing mindset of the program. I never fully realized until a few years ago how much this evil program has affected me and my beliefs, and how it seriously and tragically affected my family. Just last night, I tried to explain to my non-ATI husband about the "Breaking of soul ties." He was floored. I got so angry at all the hurt, guilt, shame, and worthlessness I was made to feel for so many years over insignificant situations. I never want my children to feel the things I did.
It makes me feel so sick to think of how many people have been hurt by this one man and his terrible philosophy and teaching. There is NO excuse! Praying now that those who have been broken can somehow pick up the pieces of their lives and rebuild. And praying that this program and Gothard's influence collapse and people see the truth.
Let me get this straight. We have a young lady, adult not a child, that worked for this man for a year. She looked back on this year with fond memories. Not until much later, after listening to rumors and gossip did she begin to realize that it was a bad year. I've read the five installments and so far other than the employees being a little naive and Bill being a little weird, nothing bad really happened.
Really Hank? Someone needs to do a little research on sexual harassment in the workplace.
"Someone needs to do a little research on sexual harassment in the workplace." My point exactly, Becky.
Oh, that was your point? Because I thought your point was:
"nothing bad really happened."
I agree with Hank. Its awkward that Bill would hold a hand, but having read through much of this material, it seems like some mild wrongs on Bill's part. Perhaps he looked at what he was doing as "fatherly". Were his motives more father/daughter? The photo thing seems like it could be quite innocent as well. Is there a possibility he wanted the picture as an example of the beauty Godly character can bring? I am no longer a fundamentalist. I disagree with Bill's emphasis on several things. But as I read the indignation on this site, I was certain there would be more sensual fondling involved. Did I miss it? Or is it not there?
"But as I read the indignation on this site, I was certain there would be more sensual fondling involved. Did I miss it? "
Yes. You missed it. Read Charlotte's Story.
https://www.recoveringgrace.org/2014/02/charlottes-stori/#more
Sexual fetishes aren't a little weird, they're alot weird. But perhaps you are new to this site, and/or unfamiliar with how cults work, if so, please read some more stories to get the bigger picture.
You cannot equate a "normal" situation to this one. In ATI young adult women were essentially children until married. They were expected to live at home and obey their parents. Not following a parent's dirrection even as an adult was called rebellion and students in the program were told that God couldn't bless them if they were in rebellion. Bill also taught that if you worked for him, then God had placed him in the position of being your father so you had to remain under his authority and obey him. Getting BGs approval was looked on by many as a sign that God was blessing you with more opportunities to serve him and greater success. So yeah, the author would be quite pleased with all this favor - it seemed like a sign of God's blessing per ATI teachings.
Becky is right. In today's world, this kind of behavior would get him a law suit through the EEOC. I work in a major hospital in Miami. Remember in this story how Bill had told Meg that he liked her looks, commented on a particular blouse that she wore and kept talking about her curls etc. That kind of behavior would be grounds for a law suit. It is a level one offense. Touching is the second level. The third is overt behaviors. We are given strict instructions in our hospital orientation that any type of behavior such as this will not be tolerated.
Read some of these from the EEOC web site.
http://www.eeoc.gov/eeoc/litigation/reports/05annrpt/#IID4
As discussed in Chapter 2, sexual harassment is unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature in the workplace and is a form of sex discrimination. The courts have recognized two forms of sexual harassment: quid pro quo and hostile environment. In quid pro quo harassment, managers, supervisors, or others with authority make sexual demands and submission to or rejection of those demands is used as a basis for employment decisions (such as promotion, termination, etc). In hostile environment harassment, unwelcome sexual conduct has the “purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with job performance, or creating an intimidating, hostile, or offensive working environment. (Bell 268)
Bell, Myrtle P. Diversity in Organizations. South-Western, 2010-02-17. VitalBook file.
I saw a cartoon about harassment---the buxom blonde was telling a friend " it is only harassment if the guy is undatable".
Hank please keep in mind or familiarize yourself with what we were being taught about what appropriate godly interaction with the opposite sex was-no time one on one esp. In private, no physical contact at all, we could hardly speak to each other without scrutiny. These were all things Bill was teaching but not practicing them himself and of course keeping his actions in secret because he knew the empire he built would crumble around him and he wouldn't be able to continue to use other people to make himself feel powerful. I saw his favoritism myself. I saw him pining after the companionship of 2 of my friends and inviting only the most attractive of girls to accompany him when there were plenty others who we're competent and dedicated. Yes we wanted it because we didn't know any better but that in and of itself is still wrong. Meg's story is not just about her but about his hypocrisy and the way he deceived us all in the name of ministry.
I wouldn't consider ant ATI girl an adult at this age.
Astounding to have been call foul on a woman giving details of sexual abuse. Speaks volumes- about them.
The courts would though. In other situations, you would want to be considered an adult at 20.
However, the courts would recognize the imbalance of power in this situation. A 20 yr old girl, and an imposing 60 yr old cult leader, are not on the same level. That is key, that Gothard took advantage of his position of power over her, to woo her.
I think it is more the fact that he was the boss than his age because even if Bill was say 40 or 30, the same legal ramifications would apply in the workplace. If Meg were 14, that would be a whole different set of legal issues because she would be a minor. I think it is less than 12 years old is considered a child and that would be a felony offense. I was trying to do the math but Harrison Ford and Calista Florkhart are 22 years apart in age, speaking of rocking the cradle. Of course, Harrison is everyone's sweetheart. So nobody batted an eyelash. He was definitely old enough to be her father. I am pretty sure age would not have a bearing on this case in a court of law but the unwelcome advances in the workplace would. Her promotional status also would come into play being in the highest place of service and a desire to retain that place. Did she feel that she couldn't stop these advances less she lose that status? Did she feel that her parents would be disappointed because they would not be respected any longer as the parents of a daughter who was Bill's *personal* secretary? It is stuff like that which would be used in court.
Right, that's what I am saying. His position of power in the situation = he was the boss. That's the biggest factor in this situation, not age.
Kim S makes an excellent point, that the casual readers of this blog not necessarily familiar with ATI culture should understand. There is a phenomenon in ATI that I can only describe as "delayed adolescence." This is basically an observation that the culture is so focused on "protecting" and "shielding" children and young adults, that often ATI influenced children don't develop emotionally and physiologically at the same pace as "normal" young adults. Doubtless readers of this comment who grew up ATI will recognize what I'm talking about.
I have the unique perspective of growing up with one foot in and one foot out of ATI (I was never sold out, but wanted to be accepted by my family who were fellow cult members, so I towed the line for the most part, while my heart wasn't in it.) I went to "real school" and had childhood friends from that world, and then later entered "ATI Homeschool world" (Which was oddly open ended, with no real "Graduation or end point.)
I now have several decades to look back on, and on average, my non-ATI friends (both Christian and non-Christian) are in happier marriages, and have more emotionally and financially balanced lives than my ATI peers. My ATI peers on average are about 10 years behind where they should be, career wise, emotional IQ, etc. This is the fruit of this ministry. Girls especially were taught that they are totally helpless and vulnerable to if they do rebellious things like go to college, or read anything other than a Wisdom book or other Institute Approved literature. A womans place is totally in the home, serving her father until she's married, and her father has so much control over her marriage, that often these girls never married. They were taught that everything outside the kitchen window was evil. You need a mans (sic) to protect your spirit, mind and body.
I'm thinking of one young lady in particular, who's father refused to let her marry and leave home, even though the guy interested was perfect for her (they eventually married) for almost two decades. She wasn't allowed to even get a job, or do anything that took her out of her parents house, "serving" her parents. She was almost 40 before her father "allowed" her to marry. (This family was once ATI inner circle, and then even Gothard decided this father was too extreme, and pushed him away.- which is another topic entirely, how Gothard would "push you away" at the drop of the hat. On a whim. No Grace, No Love)
It actually always struck me as hypocritical how Gothard would encourage all these young girls to work at HQ, the long hours, while he actively would try to get them OUT from under their father's authority, while simultaneously teaching the opposite of what he was doing. Of course we learned years later that this was pretty much his MO.
Gothards eerily creepy "virginal" seduction of young emotionally vulnerable girls has been documented ad nauseum, so no need to rehash, but the reader needs to understand that "The System" isolated girls and encouraged an innocence where you cannot hold a 20 year old woman in Gothard's office to the same standard you would hold a 20 year old woman you knew from college. For the most part, these girls did not recognize what was going on for what it was until years, sometimes decades later when they had life experiences and learned things that "normal" people learn at much younger ages, and could look back with the benefit of experience. It’s also important to understand that ATI culture was hostile to education in general, and especially frowned upon girls getting a “Higher education”. Combine this with the “isolation is equal to holiness” mentality, and it’s a toxic brew that a charismatic predator can run wild.
Bottom line, you have to look at these "20 somethings" in context of the Organizational Culture. Not the "normal 20 somethings".
As a side note, I believe studying this "delayed adolescence" would a very interesting doctoral research project for someone in the field of Psychology.
Well said.
"It’s also important to understand that ATI culture was hostile to education in general, and especially frowned upon girls getting a “Higher education”. Combine this with the “isolation is equal to holiness” mentality, and it’s a toxic brew that a charismatic predator can run wild."
Exactly Patrick!
Excellent points and very well put. You have a unique perspective, having had one foot in and one foot out of the system.
"It actually always struck me as hypocritical how Gothard would encourage all these young girls to work at HQ, the long hours, while he actively would try to get them OUT from under their father's authority, while simultaneously teaching the opposite of what he was doing. "
This hypocrisy really hit me when I first started reading Recovering Grace 2 years ago. The ATI families we know would never even let a son or daughter go to a birthday party, without the parents present. Yet, it was perfectly okay to send them away for weeks, months, years , away from the home, outside of the protection of their father? It apparently is only okay to be away from home, if they are going to be with Gothard. Such trust in Gothard; such distrust of everyone else. He was up the chain of authority after all and God put him there, of course. And all the while, they were sending them to a man who would be lusting after them and preying upon their innocent upbringing to satisfy his personal needs. Hand picking the beautiful ones, making a call to their father to tell him how he feels that God can really use them if they are sent to work for him at HQ. It really makes me want to vomit.
This is a remarkably insightful analysis. I totally agree and am sorry to say that we fostered this in our two precious oldest children. Trying now to undo the damage. So hard to forgive myself for those years.
It continually astounds me, all the little romances, here, the sweet nothings. In another context, I could think it was beautiful. I remember my now-husband doing sweet little things when we were dating. The knowing glances, the quiet handholding, the caressing, the sharing a blanket. I get caught up in the reverie, and lose myself.
And then I come back to the story, and I remember that he was not my boss, and we had already openly declared our interest in each other. There was nothing secretive or forbidden about our relationship.
Big. Difference.
He was systematically romancing and seducing her, without her knowledge or consent. It's not wrong to pursue someone you are interested in, but to go to such lengths and gestures as these without declaring your intentions is usually called stalking of some kind. Add the matter of it being a boss and employee relationship.. smh. Yuck.
Hannah, This is what those who say "I'm reading this, and not seeing the big deal" should understand. In the context of this organization, This Is A Big Major Deal. And considering both that this would be considered unethical and wrong even in a secular workplace, and Gothard was selling "A New Approach To Life", it's horrific behavior.
What gets me is the hypocrisy. No one should've adhered to IBLP legalism better than Mr. Big Cheese Bill Gothard himself. Sexual harassment is not uncommon; it can be found anywhere you choose to look. But the entire point of Gothard's organization is ostensibly to tell people how they can rise above their fleshly inclinations by adhering to "proven" formulas and worshipping "non-optional" principles. And what further proof is needed to discredit those formulas and principles than the fact that their chief purveyor has been furtively sidestepping them for decades?
This story isn't scandalous just 'cause Bill Gothard sinned. That goes without saying (or should). It's not even 'cause he sinned so habitually for so long. That's unsurprising. What's truly unconscionable is that the whole time he was using his power and prestige to lure young women into meeting his perverted needs, he was lecturing others about how to most effectively purge sins real and imagined from every crevice of their lives.
He who lives by the Law will be condemned by the Law.
Austin - Sounds like DP of Vision Forum to a T.
another story...
Your last sentence, Austin - totally nailed it.
BG is a seducder, a predator.
The older I get the more I see that 'there is nothing new under the sun.' For the skeptics out there, I concur that Meg's story is not fiction. I was there a few years prior and was struck by the creepiness of his reaction when I told him I was leaving. I wasn't in the inner circle so it struck me as an odd reaction.
Kudos to Meg for being willing to share.
All these stories you girls are sharing of sexual harassment and abuse (I keep reading more and more) are really getting my blood boiling, for several reasons. I know what mind control feels like and the absolute vulnerability that goes with it. There's a powerlessness that you can't even imagine until long after you have left the situation. It breaks my heart and makes me so mad that you experienced that at all, but also that you experienced it from "men" that were supposed to be godly leaders. My dad was just like BG and these other men in hindsight, controlling, appearance oriented, and strangely focused on the purity of others. (He worshiped BG and his principles in ATI). But he was also the one who made me feel like a perverted monster for being attracted to girls. I was never allowed to have friends my own age, and never allowed to talk to girls as friends. Dad felt so responsible to keep me pure. But I would never dream of doing some of the things he did, flirting with a girl my age who was helping my mom when she miscarried. And some of these other stories, from defrauding to full physical abuse disguised as spiritual discipline... I want to take all you women, give you a hug and tell you no one EVER has a right to treat you that way. If they aren't cherishing and honoring you, they are wrong.
Thank you, Kylar. Your words are refreshing and encouraging.
Thank you, Kylar. A million times, thank you.
I see a lot of people asking what the end goal of revelations like this one might be. "Would everyone be satisfied with a public apology?" they say. "What about the board holding Bill accountable?" they ask.
As humans we are all too easily intoxicated with power. Legalism gives power. It provides the framework by which one can "redeem" himself. If you just measure up, you will atone. This is not the Gospel.
All humans are dysfunctional to some extent, IBLP may or may not have attracted a higher percentage of families with greater dysfunction. What it did not do, was teach families how to take their dysfunction (great or small) to the person of Jesus and His already-won-for-you atonement.
This "ministry" continues to attract some number of families (though it seems to be decreasing), and continues to "equip" these families with the ability to deny their own dysfunction instead of dealing with it.
Yes, we definitely want Bill to stop his predatory practices and, if there's a prosecutable offense, let him answer to the much-discussed civil authorities.
But there's another big question here: Is there room in the Church for a ministry that neither preaches the Gospel, nor points hurting people to the truth of dysfunction and to the fact that Christ alone can heal in the midst of that dysfunction? Is there room in the Church for a ministry that gives exercises and formulas when the message of the Church is a Person?
I cannot answer these questions for anyone but myself. For the sake of the people I know who are still deceived by IBLP, I want this "ministry" to go away. It is bad enough for my friends and family who know they were misguided by the teachings of Bill Gothard - they have enough to sort out. For those who have not even realized the error, however, I would like the error machine to be turned off. Personally, I won't really be satisfied until IBLP stops hurting the Kingdom of Christ with it's fallacies and false doctrines.
Unfortunately the world is full of wolves in all faiths. The Bible warned of it back in the day. That is why we must be gentle as doves and wise as foxes. When Gothard goes to his heavenly reward, there will be another to take his place. Learning to listen to the Holy Spirit is a good thing.
"For the sake of the people I know who are still deceived by IBLP, I want this "ministry" to go away. It is bad enough for my friends and family who know they were misguided by the teachings of Bill Gothard - they have enough to sort out. For those who have not even realized the error, however, I would like the error machine to be turned off. Personally, I won't really be satisfied until IBLP stops hurting the Kingdom of Christ with it's fallacies and false doctrines. "
Well said Andrew Harper!
"Is there room in the Church for a ministry that neither preaches the Gospel, nor points hurting people to the truth of dysfunction and to the fact that Christ alone can heal in the midst of that dysfunction? Is there room in the Church for a ministry that gives exercises and formulas when the message of the Church is a Person?"
So well said. One of the small baby steps away from Gothardism for me was when I returned from Moscow and realized that the message we were giving people by and large had nothing to do with the resurrection of Jesus Christ. You could put the resurrection in our message, no real change. Take it back out, no real change. That is not Christianity as I understand it. Christianity as I understand it is so thoroughly dependent upon the truth of the resurrection that if you reach in and take that one thing out, the whole building crumbles. I'm not saying Gothardism preaches against the resurrection. It's just that the resurrection is by and large irrelevant to the message that they are (quite literally) selling.
"You could put the resurrection in our message, no real change. Take it back out, no real change.... The resurrection is by and large irrelevant to the message that they are (quite literally) selling."
Wow. Right on. Thinking back on all my years with IBLP and interacting with Bill Gothard, and you're right.
So it's "another Gospel" and not the Gospel of Christ. That makes one think.
I would have to disagree about ATI causing families to be dysfunctional and legalistic. It depends on how you handle it and how seriously you take it. My family was already homeschooling and conservative when they joined ATI, but it wasn't their "way of life". When they didn't agree with something taught, they would just through it out. The Bible was the focus and Christ was the preeminence. My Dad even personally argued with BG about some teachings. So my family didn't really suffer the same fallout as others who followed BG and ATI no matter what. I'm grateful for that.
There is no remedy for the kingdom Bill Gothard has built. A new king will not do. A reformed king who has apologized won't do it. The kingdom of Bill Gothard is a false Christianity -- another gospel -- and must be collapsed and dismantled completely. Now, having said that, I am not so delusional as to think that this will happen. Frankly, I don't think that it will happen even after Gothard himself passes.
There are too many masses coming forward and protesting the unScriptural teachings, I agree that it will probably fall eventually, with probably just a small remnant of devout followers. That doesn't mean a new false Gospel won't pop up somewhere else, though.
The way I see it, the devil doesn't need to take us down an obviously depraved path, to keep us from God. In fact, it's probably easier on him, and more satisfying, to keep them religious, and completely fooled.
Regarding the Board that is a great question, do they know about Bill's secret relation ships? Or. are they just like him, since he most likely picked them. Has any one ever complained to the board?
I was wondering the same thing. Do they even know about the allegations? It would be a good idea to email them links to some of the articles that have been written. Even if they will most likely delete them, you never know. I would imagine that they do know and that they are devout "yes" men for Bill. I recall reading that he did some cleansing of the board in the late 70s and early 80s, when some board members were calling for greater accountability and asking tough questions. Does anyone know if there are any independent thinkers on the board, or did Bill hand pick them all? Are they made aware of the articles on RG?
Ahhh, the Board. Someone finally brings up the Board.
I am the Mom of an 11 year ATI family. Since finding out from an early on inner circle man that this has been going on for 40 years, I have had to wonder "where is the Board in all this? I love the elderly - truly - but his Board was always so very old they could not see things if they wanted to. Family, elderly, and yes men it seems. Hopefully not and I hope we hear from them.
Bravo, Andrew. Bravo.
I have been following some stories on this site for a while and feel that I need to bring in a different perspective and outlook on my experience with Bill Gothard. I was a Russian student, later employed at the Moscow training center.
This statement is strictly in defense of Bill as a human being, not a preacher, teacher or boss.
A lot of you who are on this site are my dear and precious friends who I met when the institute came to Russia in the 90's. And I thank you for setting the example of Christ love to me and so many people in Russia. I came to know The Lord through your testimonies. The friendships that were made back then will mean a lot to me for the rest my life.
I feel sad that Bill is being attacked. A man who devoted his entire life to working with young people.
Most of us have families with husbands, wives and children. He has none of that. And he is older now. He needs to be left alone. Imagine if your grandfather got attacked this way. It hurts.
And he gets attacked for the slightest discrepancy. He is not God. He is human like all of us who had a dream and a vision for ATIA. He established it in the best possible way he knew how to. He's made mistakes. We all make mistakes.
I don't want to discuss specific subjects that are posted on this web site. I simply want to stand up for a man who is being slandered. I consider him my mentor and a close friend. I believe a lot of you who read these posts feel the same but choose to be silent.
I don't want to start the back and forth conversation on this. This is my opinion and I stand by it. I think he needs to be left alone. If this website is dedicated to "healing and recovery" from whatever circumstances you were offended by, then may be that should be the entire focus. Not the gossip and name calling.
As I said a lot of you are my friends so let my opinion not stand in the way of our friendship.
Much regards,
Helen Klinck (Kolodnikova)
MTC, HQ, etc 1991-2002
Sent from my iPhone
A) BG choose not to get married, that should not keep people from sharing the truth about the pedophile acts he's committed.
B) BG is not being slandered, these are real stories from real people. Slander is false information. This is truth.
C) Abuse or sexual misconduct in the workplace or at home should never, ever be tolerated and should be reported.
D) BG is not being attacked. Again, these are real experiences that are not ethical, biblical, moral. They are simply telling the double life Bill lived/lives. A double life keeps secrets that are damaging to all involved.
Helen, I was in Moscow in 1992. It was a great experience. I remember a Helen that was a Russian student, perhaps that was you! I can still repeat the phrase I heard so many times on the metro, "Осторожно, двери закрываются Следующая станция Речной вокзал" (with a little help from google).
Matthew, I still say that phrase to my boys as I close our minivan door. ;)
Helen,
I am very glad that you came to the Lord and that you were shown the love of Christ by so many here.
But, it is very clear that you kind of have a hear no evil see no evil attitude.
You said:
"I don't want to start the back and forth conversation on this. This is my opinion and I stand by it."
You don't sound very open to hearing the testimony of those who have been defrauded or have had their spiritual walk shipwrecked by Bill's teachings.
You said: "I simply want to stand up for a man who is being slandered."
Slander def: "A false and malicious statement or report about someone."
If it is true, it is not slander. What is it that you believe is false about these reports?
There have been, I believe, 4 articles written by different women who have told there story about Bill Gothard's intimate misconduct. I have lost count of how many others have also shared in their posts to the comment section that Bill Gothard did similar inappropriate things to them, but it has to be well over a dozen by now. Larne Gabriel has shared that his wife, who was Bill's personal secretary from 1970 to 1980 endured the same treatment.
So, you are saying, by your slander claim, that all these people are lying? All of them? Do you really put Bill Gothard up so high that 10 or 20 people accusing him of misconduct can all be discounted as liars?
" Imagine if your grandfather got attacked this way."
If my grandfather had a 40+ year history of doing what Bill Gothard is doing to young girls I would want him locked away. I would want him to get the professional help that he needed.
I can see that it hurts to read these reports about Bill Gothard. The truth hurts sometimes, when people we care about make evil choices. These people could not possibly all be making it up.
Why would they do that? There is a reason why there are thousands of members on Recovering Grace trying to help one another and be healed. Almost all who participate here have had their lives negatively impacted by either the teachings or actions of Bill Gothard- some much more so than others. People are here for a reason. We all have lives and things that are better to do than to bring false accusations against a man whom you say is Godly.
If you care so much about your friends, do you not care about how they have been hurt? Do you not care to understand why they need healing?
If you care so much about your friends, do you not care about how they have been hurt? Do you not care to understand why they need healing? She just shared her opinion did not accuse anyone or was rude to anyone, unlike you and many of your friends. If the man is guilty, you are not helping anyone by accusing this lady of not caring about her friends. With a friend like you your friends need no enemies. Where is the grace this site touts so loudly?
Jerry - you wrote: "She just shared her opinion did not accuse anyone or was rude to anyone,"
Jerry, you are incorrect. Yes, she did accuse people on this site of lying in order to hurt Bill Gothard, otherwise she would not have used the word "slander."
"unlike you and many of your friends."
You seem to be worked up into a lather. I've said this before, but it bears repeating - Gothard has already confessed to behaviors that would warrant his resignation from the ministry. He ADMITTED to VERY indiscreet behaviors.
Her main point was for people to leave Gothard alone. But that's the problem - he was continuing to pursue sick relationships with young women until this site came along and exposed him. That has stopped the behaviors. And the emotional carnage for many of these victims is still a problem. You ask where is the grace this site touts so loudly? Why don't you read Larne Gabriel's and Bill Wood's letter to Gothard. But I wouldn't read it without reading of their personal history with the institute, including Larne's first wife, Ruth, who was treated by them in an unspeakably evil fashion, and is now at rest in heaven. Calling the man to repentance is a very grace-filled activity, instead of demanding him to be totally destroyed.
Denial is the first step toward deprogramming.
Admitting the possibility is the next step and it can be very costly because once you acknowledge the possibility you start to see things that will eventually make you grieve.
Some will never want to take that second step because of the change and hurt that naturally follows and I understand this.
For me, the biggest changes in my thinking have come through being involved with a very healthy church that teaches true Christian doctrine. It has only been in recent years that I have come to understand that growing up in IBLP I was growing up in the fringe of a tiny, twisted backwater of the American stream of Church history. When I look back, I have to chuckle at how amazing we thought we were in our little microcosm.
I take so much comfort in the simple truth, freedom, and power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ - grace is a free gift of God. I have already completed the law, the standards, the impossible lists, through Christ. His righteousness has been given to me freely. My desire to do what pleases Him stems from the love I feel because of the FACT that He has freely given me all things. "The desire to do good" is not grace, it is a by-product of the love generated when I realize God has already declared me righteous in His Son. This is something I was never taught through IBLP.
Looking back, I know there were people who understood this Gospel and were involved with IBLP and those are some of the ones I believe came through the program relatively unscathed. Are there things that I got while in IBLP that I appreciate? Yes, definitely. What I do not appreciate, and what makes me think I would have rather gotten the good somewhere else is the conditioning, programming, and errant perspectives that permeate my thinking and which I fight against every day with the truth of the completed Gospel of Christ.
So all of that to say I understand why some will only want to think deeply enough to defend IBLP and Bill Gothard. That being said, I don't believe that depth of thought to be a healthy depth.
You found the Lord through Gothard's organization sending the people that shared Christ with you. God uses all sorts of situations to reach out to share the Gospel. But the thing is that God does not want us worshipping a man except the man Christ Jesus. We, as humans, tend to put certain Christians on a pedestal. Sooner or later, they will fall. Even David in the Bible, that God called a man after God's own heart, committed murder.
True. Many people find the Lord or find their spouses through addiction rehab places. It's not the location of the event that we should thank as much as the fact that Christ found us and worked all things for good. :-)
I am by no means in defense of B G, but to call him a paedophile after reading the articles published here, is just not true.
You are correct, the word pedophile is not an accurate description of his actions. I believe the correct word is, 'ephebophile' which is the primary or exclusive adult sexual interest in mid-to-late adolescents, generally ages 15 to 19, according to Wikipedia. Pedophilia is the interest in children age 12 and under.
As a 62-year old pastor, who had personal experience in a cult 40 years ago, and who has counseled many damaged hearts that have come out of them over the years, I can honestly say that the Gothard cult is one of the worst. It is the very definition of all that Paul warned against in his epistle to the Galatians. It is a system of law that brings the destruction that law always brings upon those who are looking for Christ. I am very grateful that these girls have shared their stories. There is only one word of advice that I would offer -- Gothard's conduct has been shameful and wrong -- but only part of the greater whole. The bigger issue here is the false Christianity that he teaches and around which his kingdom has been built. It is within this kingdom that all of these things and worse have happened over the years. And there are many other things that have been birthed from Gothardism in local churches and in people's lives that we will never hear about. Maybe the ones most deceived are those who are happy defenders of Gothardism. It is a total blindness. Hopefully, this site and these stories will be used of God in a redemptive way.
[…] here for Part One of Meg's story, here for Part Two, here for Part Three, here for Part Four, and here for part Five. Today's post is the sixth and final post in this series. On Monday, we will share an important […]
[…] here to read Part Two; here to read Part Three, here to read Part Four, here to read Part Five, and here to read Part […]
[…] Pingback : Sacred Grooming, Part Five: A Secretary's Account of Life With Bill Gothard | Recovering Grace […]
[…] Pingback : Sacred Grooming, Part Five: A Secretary's Account of Life With Bill Gothard | Recovering Grace […]
[…] One thing that we would like to briefly address is the accusation posted that we “blocked” a story of someone who wished to support Bill Gothard. Our policy from day one has been to never block a dissenting viewpoint unless it is abusive, profane, or consistently unkind. In the case of Helen, her story came in the form of a comment on one of our articles. This comment was approved and remains on our site until this day. It can be viewed here. […]
Those of you who are with out sin cast the first stone!
AFAIK, No worries. Nobody is out to sue Bill Gothard, much less stone him!
Stefan, you forgot to say: neither do I condemn you.